20 Years!

It is amazing to me how a single day can bring on so many different emotions. Today marks the anniversary of Alan and I being married. Twenty years! Twenty years seems like such a short time looking back and a long time looking forward. Why is that? I think that it is because so much of us is in that twenty years, or five or whatever the amount of time that is behind us. I think it is because we have moments we don't remember or we choose to forget but those moments that are ahead of us, we anticipate what could be; what we dream would be. Anticipation. Anxious. Life Changing.

I have had moments where I think "If I can just get through this or when Monday comes I won't have so much to do or whatever it is that we want to finish". But the thing that I have noticed is that when I "get through" something or when Tuesday has come or that thing that I have finished is done, there is always something else that needs to be done, or get through. Life is all about the moments.



I look back today on my wedding day all those years ago, and I remember the day. Waking up and getting ready to go to the Temple. Thinking my Mom wouldn't get back to escort me to the Temple because she was at the ER with my younger sister Maureen. She had broken out all over her body from an allergic reaction to some medication. I remember getting to the Temple and seeing Alan already there, in the waiting room, writing in his journal. I remember seeing family and friends from both Utah and Arizona there at the St. George Temple and being grateful that we had so many there to support us, because they loved us. I remember the comment after kissing Alan the first time as husband and wife. "It looks as though you have had practice!" How when we went outside to take pictures, our faces turned red with the heat of the day (109 degrees that day.) I remember my photographer telling everyone to smile and for Maureen not to scratch, at which we would all be laughing in the photos from his remarks. I remember the luncheon and the things I would do differently if I could at the luncheon. I remember the hugs and the laughter as we said goodbye to those that had come to support us that day. Days run into each other, but for that day, things seemed to stand still even though the day seemed to pass so quickly.



If you were to ask me what I did on our first anniversary I could not tell you. And maybe it doesn't really matter what you do or how you celebrate an anniversary. Maybe it is more important that you celebrate it by remembering why you fell in love and why you were married and what things you remember about the day you promised your love to each other. I have felt a force pull at my heart strings each time I tell the story of how we met and fell in love. Perhaps it is in the remembering that helps us secure those feelings we had on the day of our wedding.



Thank you Alan for being my Eternal Companion. Thank you for choosing me all those many years ago. Thank you for being such a good husband and father. Thank you for loving me. I am grateful that the Lord led you to me in life. I can't imagine my life here without you. I didn't know that I would love you more now than I did twenty years ago. Twenty years is just a drop in the bucket in the span of the eternities. Isn't this ride going to be fun? I can't wait. I love you to the moon and back...

Loved

Sometimes in our lives we are blessed to have a friend that changes our lives in a positive way. I feel overly blessed to have such a friend in my life. How grateful I am that she is my friend. I will never forget the Spirit of the Lord prompting me to get to know her. She had just moved into our ward to live with her mother-in-law after the death of her father-in-law. I felt that she needed a friend. Of the many times I have felt the Spirit that strong, I am so grateful that I listened. In those eleven and a half years we have been more like sisters that are friends. We have been asked if we were sisters and I always answer "Yes" quickly because I feel that strongly about our bond. Ann has come to my aid multiple times when I needed someone to listen. She let me cry about the death of my mother. She has cared for me when times were difficult. She has helped me paint countless hours when I moved into my home, helped me decorate it, given me advice, and loved me. Somehow, she has felt that I have helped her in similar ways. We have walked miles together, cried together, laughed together and been there for each other. We have watched our boys play football together, and our kids play in a concert together. There is nothing she could ask that I would not go out of my way to accomplish for her or with her.

Over the years, I have been able to capture the faces and love of her wonderful family. I do not have all the photos I have taken, only those that were digital. I thought it might be fun to portray some of those family photos here so time could be seen.





Ward Halloween Party!



This picture was taken this week as she prepared to send her oldest son out on a mission. It was easy to take these pictures but so hard to edit them as I thought about the change that will come as she moves from the area I live in. She and her family are moving this month, two plus hours away from me. Our friendship will now be tested in a different way. We will have to fight to keep it strong as distance will separate us from spending a great deal of time together. But I have heard that those relationships that you fight for will stay strong. We will still be able to cry and laugh over the phone and through email which makes the distance not too great. The knowledge of the life after this one reminds me that we will continue to have these relationships after.



Thank you Ann for being one of the very best blessings that has come into my life. There are no words to describe how you have affected my existence. I love you! :)

St. George

This entry of my blog occurred at the beginning of our trip to Utah this summer.



Alan and I were married nearly 20 years ago in the St. George Temple. Last year at this time I realized that all of my kids would be old enough to be in the Temple at the same time this year so I thought it would be neat if we could all journey to St. George this summer and be in the Temple together. Specifically St. George Temple because we were married there, and because I have a lot of family history there with my Great Grandfather being the head stone mason there at the Temple. The other reason being that in that particular Temple is where the sealing ordinances came into effect to start our family as a forever family.

We drove two different cars up to Utah. One car got ahead of the other so we said that we would meet at the Temple before going for dinner. The majority of the family drove with me and Alan and Megan drove in his car. As we were waiting for Alan and Megan to get to the Temple the rest of us sat on the grass and were talking about where we were standing when certain pictures were taken on our wedding day. The last time we had been in St. George Tessa and Josh had been little and Megan and Seth had never been there. How sad it was that we had not been back for way to long. I was glad that we had that moment to sit and chat on the Temple grounds.

After dinner and spending the night we got up and proceeded to the Temple to the baptistry. I loved being there with all of my children. I cannot describe the feelings I had as we all sat in the baptistry chapel together and then in the beautiful baptistry while Alan and my kids were in the font. I hope this is another one of those experiences that the kids remember for the rest of their lives.



After taking this photo, we went around to the side and the kids had a re-inact some of the spots where we had our wedding photos taken. They were being funny, but obviously those pictures had an impact on what they were seeing. I am so glad that we went and partook. :)

Father's Day - Second Half

On Father's Day evening, I went with three of my kids and my sister and her husband to visit my father. He is now in his 87th year and aging terribly. He is loosing it mentally as well, very forgetful and struggling to understand it all. When I was a child, I thought he would liver forever. He was the hardest worker I have ever known! He expected all of us to put in days as long as he did. He demanded that we get up at 6:00am every summer day and work! We were expected to work until 2:00 pm or longer if there was a specific job that needed to be finished. We all knew how to play hard too but not my dad. He would work until the cows came home (even if we didn't have cows!) We lived on 4 and a half acres, an acre of that being a vegetable garden. We hoed endless rows of corn. Dad's idea of going out to eat was taking a salt shaker out in the garden and eating everything raw with watermelon for dessert.

I complained a lot as a youth for having to get up and work, work, work! I would add that all of my friends got to sleep in during the summer and I had to get up at 6:00am. Dad was determined to "do it while it was cool." Now looking back, and even though I hated it so much as a kid, I am more grateful than ever. My father taught me the value of hard work, and to work until the the job is done and then play. The play becomes that much more enjoyable! I am who I am partly because of my hard working, teaching father. It is hard to see him not as sharp and more feeble than he has ever been. I know it will only get worse as he gets older. After spending time with him on Father's Day, I do not want to get his age.

Here we are with him. Notice his stooped stance. I am sure it is from all the hard work he has done over the years. At his height he was 5' 11". I am 5' 5". So he has shrunk a little.




Thanks Dad for all of your teaching and training. And thanks for being tough and expecting your kids to work. I think the world needs more Dads like you.

Father's Day surprise

We go to Utah to enjoy the beautiful weather and the gorgeous mountains. Summer is great here because it allows us to be outside during June and July. But we love going because we get to spend time with family. This year, we are staying at my sister Winnifred's house. She and my brother-in-law have some pretty cool friends. Just after coming home from church on Father's day some of these friends stopped by. They were in the neighborhood and were just picking up a few items for their home. It was quite delightful to see them both. My friendship with them goes back to high school, when I was in their home several times with their son Matt. On this particular day, I had the opportunity to introduce my family to them. I am sure that General Conference will never be the same at our house when he is at the pulpit. He keep calling Seth "Split" because of the logo on his shirt and Megan "Highland" because of her jacket. When he left, more than one of my kids commented on how funny he was. They are dear people, and I hope my kids never forget meeting Elder and Sister Holland.

My Senior

I have been wanting to write this blog for some time but I just keep putting it off. Mainly because it just brings to the bubbling surface all the feelings I want to keep hidden. I wrote a blog last year at this time about my kids moving up towards graduation and the feelings I had. I did not know that I would feel it more so this year with my oldest graduating from High school. The feelings are magnified even more so.

I have always been the type of mother (or so I thought) that celebrated each new thing my children were going to face. I never cried at them starting Kindergarten, or graduating 6th grade. It was a little weird to see them starting Jr. High and then High school but I was ok with that. It's just that in seeing Tessa graduating reminds me of how I felt graduating from High School. I remember it vividly even though it was so long ago. She will be moving on and even though she is going to be living at home, going to a junior college for the first year, I am not sure that I can tell her to turn out the light and go to bed. There is a different feel to the Mother/Daughter relationship. We have always been friends but I was a mom to her too. But now, I feel as if that title has come to mean something else. I will always worry and want to help but now is the time for me to be silent until the advice is to be asked for. Even the world no longer sees me as her guardian. She signs all the paperwork for herself now, she can check herself in and out of an Urgent Care, and my role is now a limited role.

But even if my role as her mother has diminished some, I can still be proud and look at her with admiration for being the student that she has been and woman that she is. She is caring and considerate of others, she thinks first and then acts. She is compassionate and loving. She is great with kids and loves them. She is organized and punctual. Hardly ever does she procrastinate. She has a very contagious laugh and loves to have fun. She is a loyal friend. I am grateful to have been chosen to be her mother. She has made my calling as mother an easy one.




She can be intent and fierce when she needs to be.




She is funny too. :)

I love you Tessa. I pray you will do well on your new adventures! And that you will work hard as you always have to attain those goals you have set for yourself. Remember who you are, and act accordingly! :)

Prickly Blue Eyes

Spring Break is a time for relaxation and laziness in the hygiene department that is. Alan decided to let it grow. I had never seen his face so scraggly so I mentioned that. I guess he took that to mean he was to grow it out! He let it go for almost two weeks. It was getting harder and harder for me to get close because he was so prickly! Here is a picture of him prickly. Check out those whitish/gray hairs. He must be getting old!



After a couple of weeks, he decided it was time to take it off. But then he came out of the bathroom looking like this. But never the less he still was too prickly to kiss even though it was getting softer to touch. I begged him to let me take pictures of him. These are only a few of the few I got. (He doesn't like me taking pictures of him.)



It is all shaved off and back to normal. Yeah! So, needless to say, I think you all should be jealous because I get to gaze into these baby blues whenever I want! :)